The Crab Family - Sri Lanka

Once upon a time, on the sunny beaches of Tangalle - a fishing village in southern Sri Lanka - there lived a crab with her family. On a beautiful morning the mother crab and her young daughter went for a stroll. The crashing waves made lovely music to their ears. The palm trees waved to and fro in the breeze. Children were playing happily on the beach, finding shade under the palm trees and watching the scene. The crab mother became self conscious of so many people watching her and her daughter. She looked at her child and was suddenly horrified by the way she was walking. She imagined how others would see her, how awful. 'Girl', she says sternly, 'why do you shuffle sideways when you walk? You look funny, so graceless. Everybody is watching...you must learn how to walk straight!'

The little crab girl, deeply hurt, retorted at once: 'Well mother, I was only copying you. I thought this is the way to walk, since you walk like that. If you don't like it, why don't you walk straight yourself, and I will do as you do'. The mother crab stopped. She concentrated and made a big effort to walk straight forward. She fell down, but tried again. And again. She was swaggering so funnily that all children on the beach started to laugh. 'Ha-ha-ha', they laughed, pointing at this silly crab who tried to walk straight.

Questions

• Was the crab's daughter right to ask her mother to walk straight?
• Have you ever been asked to change something you were not able to? How did it feel?
• What does this story tell you about criticizing other people?

Management Link

As managers you will have to give regular feedback to your staff. One of the Golden Rules* of Giving Feedback is that the receiver of feedback is able to do something with it. Giving feedback is not the same as giving advice, nor praise or criticism. Criticizing people for who they are, how they speak or how they look can offend people. Good feedback allows a person to develop and grow, and to make his or her own decision on how to change. Constructive feedback is saying: 'when you come late to the office it gives me the impression you don't care about your work', in stead of: 'you should come to work on time'. Targets have to be realistic and achievable.

* For more information on the 10 Golden Rules of Feedback, contact MDF, info@mdf.nl

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